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| i realized that i have not written since before i even went on spring break! i am craaayy craayyyy
let me start with that, i suppose. spring break was simply magical.
i finally got to see new england which happens to be a truly beautiful place. almost every person i met there was just magnificent (a cute boy in particular - who is going to come visit me in a couple weeks!) he has been very good for my heart and my sanity. save the fact that he's on the east coast.
boston is a great city. i want to see much much more of it.
new york city was lovely as i imagined it to be. i even got to go in the seventeen magazine offices, you can imagine how much i gooshed my pants. you woulda thought i was a fat kid in the ghiardelli factory or something.
since i've been back my life has been INSANE
IN THE MEMBRANE
i've had a 3-week long outrageous cough that will not go away no matter how much vitamin c i drink
i've been staying up till 2 in the morning doing homework
i go back and forth between feeling worthless
and feeling so accomplished
i'm in the middle of two complete media plans for different products, and both of them i'm succeeding fully
i feel like as a person i excel in my classes. my teachers respect me and i am a leader
but i feel so behind in my actual WORK so it's this whole lame counterbalance and it just leaves me feeling like my brain's in a frying pan and my head is full of bacon grease
my future living situation has changed mullltttiipppllleee times
but i think my friend kira and i have now found a beaaaaauuuutttiful place in the south loop
complete with a balcony, big windows, great kitchen for cooking gourmet meals, and a POOL so i don't even have to trek to the beach in the summatime
i feel like my parents hate me and all i want to do is graduate and make a million dollars and let them retire and buy them a house in the hamptons and buy bob hemmer all the gibsons he can fathom
going home to stl last weekend was a true delight
i got to see many people i love wholeheartedly
and bask in the sunshine and only wear dresses and DRIVE A VEHICLE
walking down michigan avenue tonight didn't make me feel as alone as i thought it would
it actually gave me peace of mind
after a long, long, strange day.
it was one of those days when people just kept asking me if i was ok
and you know when people keep asking you if you're alright you start to question if you really are
made for a peculiar day that's for sure.
why am i still talking
absence makes for a lot of thoughts to build up in one's head
and i for sure always have a bunch of wheels turning.
for the past month i've felt like i'm on the brink of something wonderful
(i think it's just summer, really)
i think in my heart i know that this is going to be one of the best summers of my life. it's my first one in chicago, and i really think that's going to turn some things around. i need to do it.
my best wishes to everyone, it should be another month before you hear from me again.
until then, youtube josh groban singing with the african children on american idol. it's a real weeper
here's some goodies for ya,
and by "ya" i mean the 4 people out there that still read
<3
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have you ever stood on top of lake michigan in a windchill of 30 below?
because i have.
i'm going to boston and nyc in a month.
i'm going to cancun/possibly a cruise in late may.
i'm going places figuratively.
i'm living out my childhood dreams.
i'm working on michigan avenue. (and getting a discount)
opportunity is as apparent as my breath in the cold air.
i got a room full of artsy-fartsy kids to appreciate not only a bonnie raitt song, but carrie underwood as well.
just by making it my own.
i'm in good hands.
i'm going to be
all right.
meet me there. | | |
| i said i was going to try to write more, and i'm already not doing very well at it.
so where have i been?
i've been broken.
this month has been one of the more trying times in my life. i am minus a best friend - possibly the best friend i'll ever have. you know, it takes one soulmate of a friend to make you realize what you've been needing all along. it's hard not having her here. for girl talk and whatnot. and eating our feelings.
my heart has been aching. i hate to get caught up in the pursuit of a relationship, but it's always the same story for me.
but you all can skip on the sympathy - i know that suffering is vital to human existence. i also know my struggles are so small-scale compared to the true starvation and desolation in this world. but still, it's cold outside. really cold. i just want to take care of someone...and then snuggle up to them at night. i'm sure you all can agree.
mytimewillcome
mytimewillcome
myprincewillcome
i've had "his eye is on the sparrow" on repeat for 2 days. if i could sing like lauryn hill i wouldn't have any woes. sooo empowering. who cares if she doesn't like white people.
i constantly find myself feeling so alone in the 3rd largest city in the country. i know almost everyone feels the same way as well - plus, it's too cold to go out anywhere anyway. i live in a building with a thousand kids and find myself holing up in my room just because i want something else. other people are off finding fake, temporary, and altered happiness...and as of late, i just can't bring myself to do that anymore.
i am on an insane quest for something real. all i want is something, anything real.
i know american idol and ugly betty are not the answers to this sense of reality. but sometimes they're all i've got.
none of this is making sense.
in truth, i am happy. i feel like that daunting period is over, and i'm in the midst of a fresh new start. i am quite motivated and feeling somewhat cleansed.
i'm just a little girl with too big of dreams, that's all.
here's some recent pictures of my life.
our attempt at a prada ad
(i miss you.)
VIDEO CHATZZZ
just love.
-lindsey | | |
| maybe i'll try to get back into xanga.
maybe the love affair isn't quite done yet.
maybe in the christmas spirit...
MAYBE I'LL EVEN POST A PICTURE POST WHEN I GET BACK TO CHICAGO!!!! eeeeeeek.
to me, belleville means:
+ catching up on all the latest trends in rap music and listening to country with the windows down (even in 55 degree weather)
+ some people with beautiful souls, some with very very sad ones
+ FAMILY oh my lord i cannot even express how much i love my family.
+ pretty much all my favorite food places in the world
+ drivinggggggggg so good. so therapeutic.
+ sleeping til 2 and taking frequent cat naps
who knew the thrifting could be so successful? such a good experience with good company.
i want to make more music. i say this all the time, but i am no good at following through. i also want to cut my hair, somewhat.
i thrive on new things...so terribly much. newness is so good to me, but it's not always positive. it typically results in new clothes, a haircut, and a drained-out bank account.
hey remember the time when i used to write and write and try to be creative (and sometimes achieve that creativity) and enjoy it and now for the life of me i almost feel like i have nothing to say or anything i say must be censored because this IS the internet you know and there are a lot of creeps and whatnot.
one of these days i'll have something to say.
i'm sure i already do,
it just hasn't formed itself correctly in my head yet.
i think i just need to read more.
BYE! | | |
| HAY COOL I'M ALIVEEEEE
barely though, really. i've been sick for about a week now. congested, can barely breathe, all that fun stuff.
so here it is:
i'm going to give you all a very generic, boring overview of my life.
i'm not one for being brief, nor mysterious. so it goes.
i did get a job, praise the lord. i work at levi's on michigan avenue. i've been there for close to two months, and i couldn't be happier.
i sometimes have to take a step back and remind myself...i am living my own dream. as a little girl i couldn't imagine that people actually lived in the big cities...let alone worked on some of the most famous streets in the world. sure, i may just be selling jeans to people that don't speak a lick of english, but the little girl in me still gets goosebumps when i think about working on "the magnificent mile." it's incredible; it really is.
while there, i met a boy. this i'll try to be brief on.
all i really want to say is that he is everything i didn't know i was looking for...and it almost scares me when i think about how i feel about him. things are going perfectly right now, and i'm absolutely terrified of jinxing that.
it's amazing what 4 years of age difference and a boy that doesn't drink makes.
right now, i feel like i'm the most content i've ever been.
i know, however, it's about to change. my best friend, sarah, is moving back to boston on friday, and it physically pains me to think about it. i only have her to blame when i try to think of any other reason as to why i randomly started bawling to the dixie chicks today. she is everything i've ever needed in a friend, and more.
i honestly have never had that good of girl friends in my life, and it has always bothered me. but it doesn't matter anymore, because she makes up for all of them.
i miss my family more than i ever have, and 9 days of being home for christmas isn't going to help that.
growing up and becoming best friends with your parents is great, but it's hard. it just makes you miss them more.
things in my life are changing
every day
major changes
and i'm ok with that.
i'm going to be spending a lot of time alone over christmas break,
so i think it'll be a good time to sort a lot of things out,
maybe write some letters (email me addresses - itshemmertime@gmail.com)
and HOPEFULLY writing some songs.
because, on the real, all i really want is to be a rock star.
happy holidays everyone. i wish you all the very, very best. | | |
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